I haven't written anything for a while. It was because some things happened.
Firstly I had to pass my exam (now there is another one I hope I will be able to pass it too because I am out of energy). Then there were floods in my village so we had to work every day for about 12 hours a day to clean everything but there is still a total mess.
Today I found another cyst next to the big one above my collar bone. Fuck this whole year and my life...! I hope that this one appeared only because of some temporary illness and it will disappear after some time. But to be honest I am scared that it will stay there too.
It's not only about the thoughts that I don't want to die which sounds ridiculously because the first one "just" hurts. I would like to live my life to the fullest and this thing makes it impossible. It's true that it's not my only problem - I mean the problem of my body but not it's the biggest one.
Whenever I think of something that has little chance of making it happen I say: Maybe once (Maybe some day)... But now it turned into: Maybe never...
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