6 months in a package

You were the one who have been teasing me from the beginning. I remember that quite well. Many people do that to me, so I have been reacting in the samy way as usual.Then you tried to come closer to me, you were kind and nice... I haven't wanted to accepted that because I was afraid that you could hurt me so much. I was also telling you that you will leave me (and change). But you always said that you won't to that and you will be there and support me, we had so many plans,...!

And I started believing you. I have no idea why I was so naive. These things happens only in movies, books and so on, they are not real. I have been slowly opening my mind and heart to you. And what you have done? When she was so mean to me, you told me that you have no idea what was happening and didn't want to be part of it and what more, that both of us did a mistake. And the other friend of us was at the side of that person, so it was looking like it is only my own mistake. I was so angry, that I broke our ties... And she was a queen from that time on. Our friend is saying that she doesn't have to be a friend with everyone and that she is speaking with someone it doesn't mean that that person is her friend. And you? You are telling that women are horrible, they are waste of the time, money and your ego are only thing that rule your world. 

I tried to apologize, tried to explain what was bad about that, that she behave like that to nearly everyone... But you didn't care. You are still friends, maybe better friends than you used to be. I don't get it but it's like that.

And I have behaved weirdly since that time. I don't want to speak about me and things which are connected with me, because I am afraid that this could happen again. Every time I feel someone is using me, insulting me or anything like that I am immediately angry, I behave like an idiot and then I am on my knees again, I don't want to speak with anyone again, I want to cry and feel so freakingly lonely. I won't be able to change myself back I guess because anyone can do the same thing.

There is also the second part of this. I thought that I found a good friend finally. We were the opposite but same. Everything was perfect except the times when you tried to give advices how I should live and what I should do. I hate when someone is doing it because people have done this to me quite many times and I feel like the life is not mine when they do that. I don't want to have any manual or hear the instructions to my own life.
When that happened I was like ok, just move on and never ever talk aboul that again. It was at the very beginning of getting to know each other. But then it happened the day before yesterday. I admit that you are maybe true but... Who is saying that it has to be like that? You have your own imagine of what will happen and you are 100% sure about that. So you think that you know both of us so well? Really? I was so freakingly angry that I ended it. I hurt by that to him and me too. I just hope that not as much as I think. I hoped that you are satisfied with this but no, because you were like: I dind't tell you to do that, it was your decision, not mine, I am just worried about you two. Oh, really? So you didn't tell me, that I am responsible for it and I shouldn't be so nice and shouldn't do that? It is written in the history! 

And the best part? I am still angry, so I told you that I will take a revenge (who wouldn't say that when this happens). But what shocked me was, that you were immediately like: So sould I be worry about that? Should I delete our conversations? And then: 
"Okey.. tak mela jsem snahu to promazat :D ale hadej co... ja na sebe vlastne nic nebonzla taze jsem v klidu...

defakto jedine co jsem nakonec promazala byla druha strana toho co jsi promazala ty...tak aby to tam nebylo tak odveci

celkove jsem i zapomela na to ze jsem vlastne opatrna porad :D takze se klidne msti kdyz se tak budes citit lip

respektive predpokladam ze celej tym nepotopis kvuli osobni blbine.. takze to zvladnu"

What are my emotions from this? I feel like i was betrayed, because I told you so many things about me. But you were careful all the time and told me nothing. Well we weren't so good friends I thing. And what more you just laughed at me by this. I also feel a threat from the ending of the message. I can't believe you anymore. Because according to the things I know about you, you just collect information about the people and rule their lifes, if they let you to do it because they believe you. So you don't do this to everyone but I know some people who are connected in this.

And my feelings right now? I was crying, I want to sleep and do nothing. I feel like I am sick and hope I won't vomit.